The Daybreak Diaries (3)

Rebirthing Pains

Choosing a path that is altogether different from the one that you're already on is a daunting decision in itself, but I found out that it is unfortunately just the beginning. I had spent most of my energy swimming in circles in the choppy seas of an aimless life, and I now find myself struggling against the countercurrent of a past existence that I am trying to escape from. There are certainly times when I wonder whether I have the strength to see this course change through.

The path less traveled is full of doubt and nearly devoid of the very people who once populated my old life. I have also discovered that many of these persons have made the assumption that my identity is inextricably bound to the previous path that I was on. I was typecast into a role in their very own lives. And sadly for most of these people, their 'scripts' will not accept rewrites.

I played a number of roles for too long — the obedient son, the responsible brother, the dutiful nerd, the gracious doormat, the phenomenal failure, the eventual pariah — that the masks that I had swapped out for various acts had become glued to my face. Even I no longer knew who I really was before the curtains on this life went up. Prying all these masks off will be incredibly painful, and there will even be occasions where I will be tempted to put them back on.

The need for acceptance and belonging can be very compelling, but I must remind myself that I clawed myself back up from the darkest depths of my psyche and although I maybe gasping for breath, it is free air that is now sustaining my ragged soul.

If you share in similar trials, know that these can only make you stronger. And I truly believe that life will get better. Don't give up.